Easter Sunday

Spring snow on daffodil hill

Today is a typically British Bank Holiday

Wet and grey

The thunder was good though

I enjoyed the sheer power of nature’s noise

Infiltrating our little worlds for a moment

I spent the day relaxing with ‘The Boyfriend’

And surrendering to the process

Of loving someone

The path the process of surrendering

Leads one along

As I had lots of things I intended to do

For myself today

On my few days off

From the treadmill of work

And as usual because he was here

And because I was unable to assert

My boundaries

Yet again, for whatever reason

Too easily distracted by sex and lounging

Of course none of it got done

I’m so hard on myself

Most of the time and I don’t even realise it

I have to remind myself that it’s OK

To not do anything on Easter Sunday

It’s a public holiday! All day!

And it’s OK for me

To take time off occasionally

From my personal agenda

A constant list of things I must do

Or should have done already, damn

In order to become a more efficient person

Achieve a better quality of lifestyle

Manifest my dreams and visions

To be better at making my life work

On all levels simultaneously

Still so hungry to improve the quality of my life

Has become my soul’s mission

And anything that distracts me

Away from this purpose

The purpose of turning my life around

And freeing myself

From the mediocre mind numbing mundane

To be the successful person

I always knew myself to be

In the first place anyway

Is seen as a threat by my subconscious

As a means of sabotaging my good efforts

And I start resenting the source of sabotage

(ie: The boyfriend)

For slowing me down and preventing me

From making the progress I desire

But it’s OK

I can be patient with myself

I’ve waited my whole lifetime already

Probably lifetimes

I can wait a little while longer

So breathe, relax

Let go of my attachments

Tell my inner tyrant

To shut the f**k up

And allow myself to receive

What is mine shall come to me

All good things in good time

I give myself my own permission

To chill on a rainy Sunday afternoon

Guilt free, with my boy watching TV

I forgive myself for not doing the washing up

Or writing to my insurance company

Or catching up with paperwork

I allow myself to enjoy this leisurely day

For which I offer my humble thanks

And appreciation

 

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